Sunday, April 19, 2009

Sunday morning

Jacelynn, age 5: Did our blue team win last night, Aunt Amy?
me: Yes, they did!
Jacelynn, still age 5: Well I guess I'll just have to keep wearing my Dallas shirt, huh?
me: Definitely:)

Mom, age 59: I saw mushrooms in my sleep last night!
Dad, also age 59: Ok.

Myla, age 2: Grandpa, do you want to see my pretty panties? Grammy, do you want to see my pretty panties? Aunt Amy, do you want to see my pretty panties? JACEY! Look at my pretty panties!

Saturday, April 18, 2009

there's no i in team

It's a rainy Saturday morning here in Missouri. Ok for several reasons. First, woke to the sound and smell of sizzling bacon. Bacon of course accompanied by old favorites coffee and eggs! Second, the rain is the perfect excuse to spend significant amounts of time in my pajamas today:)

Met up with two old friends from high school last night. I got to see Will and Jennifer (and their little cutie Anderson) at Christmas this past year but didn't get to have a lot of dedicated talk time. So last night at my sister's house we got all caught up and had a really, really good time. So good, in fact, that seemingly all of a sudden it was 1 o'clock in the morning. And I just don't stay up that late anymore! *I know I've said that frequently as of late. Which may actually mean that staying awake into the wee hours of the morning is sort of common place. But I swear, usually an early to bed kinda girl!*

Carrie then tried to lure me to Zumba this morning at 730. I politely declined:)

Saw in the paper that my Royals destroyed the Rangers last night! I adopted the Cowboys several years ago after moving to Texas, while at the same time never giving up on the Chiefs. And have always felt completely comfortable latching on to the Mavs and the Stars since KC doesn't have NBA or NHL teams of their own. But never could get excited about the Rangers. Add in my persistent (and some say naive) love for the boys at the K and I was pretty excited by that bit of news this morning:)

The Mavs start their playoff run against San Antonio tonight. Brought my JHO jersey with me for the occasion. Also trying to create additional good vibes by dressing my nieces in some Dallas gear . . . they're so cute I thought it was worth a try! Pictures to follow:)

Spent a quiet afternoon (after an unsuccessful mushroom hunting attempt) in my parent's hammock yesterday. Picked up a book for the first time (crazy, right?) since I've been home. But didn't grab any of the multiple new titles available to me. Nope. What did I choose? Timothy Zahn's Heir to the Empire. I'm such a dork:)

Friday, April 17, 2009

evil apples

I hate my iPod. I hate iTunes. I'm pretty much hating on anything with a stupid little lower case i in front of it.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

don't ride that horse

Several weeks ago I entered a patient's room after being updated on her status by a few residents. I introduced myself and the patient immediately responded with "oh, you're Dr. Haller." Not exactly what I was expecting or exactly what I wanted to hear. The mind can't help but leap to something negative - just what had this woman heard about me? But she almost immediately followed up with an explanation that she worked for my group's answering service. She said she'd heard my name so many times (and had actually spoken to me a few times) that it was nice to put a face to a name. Relief. Short lived, as it turned out. This very sweet woman (who incidentally had been through quite a bit already during this hospitalization) then asked me if they (the service) did a good job. Uhhhh. Yeah? (no, no, NO!) What was I supposed to say? She was ill, stuck in a hospital bed for something like 5 weeks after the gastric ulcer from hell that ultimately required a gastrectomy. What could I do? I did the only thing I felt comfortable with. I lied.

Fast forward to this morning when that same answering service paged me on my phone, not once but twice, at 659. Fast forward to this morning when I was asleep in my bed, not only not on call but also not yet off vacation. Fast forward to this morning when I was well and truly pissed.

Ask me again nice sick lady. Ask me again.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

yokwe!

So, didn't have the best birthday this past year. Kinda sucked actually. The days leading up to the 28th seemed so promising - rediscovering my love for Donnie W in NOLA with Nat, having little sister Sarah come to Dallas for a quick visit that included her not only making me dinner one night but also buying me Angry Dog for lunch the next day. Good stuff, yeah? But then it all went down hill. And obviously it hit me pretty hard as it is now almost 6 months later and I'm still putting in some dwell time.

Decided a while back that I was definitely getting out of Texas for the next one. Had contemplated coming back to MO and spending it with K. We had such a ball on our "golden" 28th on the 28th:) Also considered going off somewhere completely by myself - recharging in a fun and distant locale. Had pretty much settled on heading to wherever Natalie found herself for grad school - figured Hawaii or DC was kinda a win-win situation!

Talked to Nat last night and found out that she's headed back to the Marshall Islands this fall. At first I was beat down with disappointment. I'd started to count on a buggie birthday. Didn't think that a week off was enough to make it to the Marshalls and back. Enter Natalie and her amazing way of making anything, everything, possible!

196 days from now I'll be celebrating my next birthday on an uninhabited island in the Pacific. She's promised lots of Australian beer and hinted at the promise of lots of Australian boys:) And while those two things sound great, the welcoming in of yet another year with my very best friend sounds just about perfect.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

you want french fries with that?

Haven't really been sleeping too well since I made it home. Not sure if it's the childhood bed or just still off from working nights last week. Was EXHAUSTED at 10 last night so went to bed. Didn't get up until 830. But woke up about a million times in between! And I'm dreaming a lot. Some really bad work dreams that just wear me out and 1 really terrifying dream where someone tried to steal Myla away from me. Also lots of others that are pretty fuzzy. End result being that I am just not getting the quality beauty sleep that I so desperately need!

Been spending some time thinking about the different pieces of me. You know what I mean? There are so many layers. So many things that, on the surface, may seem contradictory. Wondering if I've ever really showed all those pieces to any one individual. Or, do I sometimes only let certain aspects show to certain people? Do I censor myself? Do I sort of, I don't know, read the crowd? Do I let my inner nerd shine through in some situations and then lock her away in others? Do I at times hide away the hopeless romantic in me? Would it be hard for someone to come up with a fairly comprehensive list of things I feel passionate about? Would it be hard for me????

I so, so hate to be pigeonholed. It's one of my biggest pet peeves. I hate it when people assume things about me based on precious little information or interaction. Hate when they make the jump that because I feel a) about a situation then I must also feel b). It's just always seemed lazy to me, you know? But maybe it's because I'm withholding. Maybe I'm cheating a little. Maybe I'm not letting loose with all the pertinents. Maybe I don't really want anyone to see the whole picture?

Remember the wall conversation several months back? Remember how bothered I was by that observation? Had come up with the conclusion that being cautious and careful with new relationships wasn't equivalent to holding back. Am I wrong?

Wait. This is stupid. I'm not wrong. Making rash conclusions based on too little information is lazy. And choosing who you let into the inner workings of you is smart, not shady. See? This is what happens to me when I wake up at 3 am and can't immediately fall back to sleep. This is what a loss of REM does to me. If people really want to know who I am or what I'm about they just have to dig a little. It's not a secret. It's just not broadcast as a ticky tape display above my head.

Good things come to those who dig. Like buried treasure. And potatoes. I love potatoes. :)

Monday, April 13, 2009

vacation destination: the 'burg

I'm back home in Missouri and life is good.

Slept for almost 10 hours last night and woke to find that my mom had not only made me coffee before she left for work but she'd also layed out my favorite sections from the Kansas City Star. Love it, love it all. Love coffee, love my mom, love the KC Star:)

Since my last visit home, Mom has upgraded from dial-up (moaned about at length in previous blogs from home) to mobile broadband. And while still not as fast as my DSL, it is infinitely better than before. Also allows me to blog at the kitchen table. Good for many reasons. The kitchen is still my favorite room at Casa Haller - I have a lot of really great spring memories in this room. And the kitchen table has a very welcome proximity to the kitchen coffee pot. Plus the kitchen window overlooks the backyard and beyond. I just saw either a very small deer (think Bambi) or a very large dog (think Brandi) across the fence. Either way, I'm good:)

Have already gotten in some quality niece time with more promised for the upcoming week. You would not believe how amazingly cute these little girls are. Every time I see them, cuter and cuter. The youngest - Ripley - looks so much like my sister that it breaks my heart a little. And Jacelynn and Myla are so much Hallers when they smile that I just want to pack them up in my suitcase and take them back to Texas with me!

Dad and I have been sorta passing each other in the living room since I've been home. He's been getting his weekend golfing in and I've been taking quite a few naps. But guessing that we've got a good chance of some amy/pops bonding time later today. It's a rainy Monday and looks like it will be a perfect afternoon to camp out at the kitchen table with a deck of cards and a couple of beers when he gets home from work.

Went to KC to see 2 of my favorite peops from med school on Saturday night. And Carrie came along! Caught one set of Flannigans Right Hook with Leticia and KK before moving on to meet up with Nate and a few others. So good to see everybody! And Carrie and I haven't gone out together is such a long time - I so loved havin' a little twin time:)

Sideline: Autumn. It's not us you know. It's Dallas. Sit the 2 of us down in a Kansas City bar and we'd do just fine. There is some kind of weird voodoo going on down in Texas. Just wanted to let you know that we are every bit as amazing as we think we are:)

Have some more friend visits lined up for later in the week. And, of course, lots more family time. But overall, planning on taking it easy. Very, very easy. This is the perfect place to slow down a little. Recharge. I have some books to read. A few Royals' games to watch. Quite a bit of mom food to eat:)

I like vacation. I like vacation a lot.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

"the dishes are done, man"

And so are my taxes - cutting it much closer than usual this year!

Can I say? Wow. I should take 8 months off every year.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

soul

Is it just me, or does it get harder to figure out your own emotions/feelings/motivations as you get older? Or, has it always been this hard but when you're young you don't know enough about anything to really know that you don't know? Ya know?

Yeah. Me neither.

Moving on.

The last few weeks have been happy.

Work has alternated between really crazy busy and mind numbingly slow. And I've enjoyed both equally. Seriously. I actually kind of like the days where I head home so tired after seeing a marathon list of patients that the thought of making myself a peanut butter sandwich seems an overkill of ambition. And I've recently began to look forward to the days I can take a guiltless 45 minute coffee break/gossip session in the middle of my morning. Pretty sure these extremes used to bother me. But now? Not so much.

Discovered, much to my amazement, that I don't hate running as much as I always thought I did. Still have the endurance of a . . . well, I don't know what specifically. But I know it's bad:) Thinking - thinking only! - about letting myself get talked into doing it on a semi-regular basis.

Have been cultivating new friendships, reconnecting long-lost friendships, and changing the scope of some current friendships. And I think it's good. Really good.

Heading home for Easter this weekend and am so ready for a little Haller family time. Those nieces of mine have this frustrating tendency to grow when I'm not there to see it!

Dressed up like a super hero last weekend for a birthday bash. Know what? I kinda like me in a cape:)