"I want the fairy tale . . ."

Let me tell you a story.

There once was a young girl who had big dreams. Her dreams were idealistic and untarnished by life's future disappointments. She dreamed of living a life that made a difference. She imagined that life would someday include a family of her own.

The girl grew into a woman. She had worked hard and long to make her dreams come true. She really felt that her daily life mattered. That her daily life impacted others. That, as she once dreamed, she was making a difference. She was surrounded by family and friends that she loved, that loved her. The only missing piece was a partner to share her life with. A man to start a family with.

But despite this missing piece, the girl-turned-woman was happy. She was content with who she was and where she was in life. She was confident that her dreams would be realized to completion. That one day, someday, she would have the partner she wanted. She never doubted a destiny that included marriage and children.

Time passed. Her girlhood optimism and idealism were repeatedly threatened by the world's cynicism. She found it harder and harder to trust in her dream. At the end of most days, she was unable to be certain that the past 24 hours were of any significance. And while she continued to meet and date boys, no man was anywhere to be seen.

So on the eve of her 30th birthday, we find our heroine wondering where her dreams have gone. Where is the life she wanted, the destiny she was previously so certain of?

Is it time for new dreams? Or instead of losing her dreams, has she really just lost her faith?

To be continued . . .

And, it's done.

Can't beat a post-party at the Tipp!

That's right. Boards are over. The world is right again. No worries until scores are due out in November. Can't change anything at this point anyway. Now there's nothing to cloud my mind and drive me crazy.

Except life. Love. Etc.

Crap. It never ends . . .

Everyone needs a little Natalie . . .

It is once again a beautiful Sunday morning that I've decided to celebrate with a pot of Community Coffee and my laptop. Definitely have other things I should be doing right now . . .

My new sneakers are crying out for some pavement time.

I can see an intimidating stack of study materials cluttering up my kitchen table.

The message light is blinking on my phone.

Just heard a crash from the bathroom that I'm pretty sure represents the fall of a towering laundry pile that has been ignored a minute too long.

But, here I sit. With my coffee cup and my computer. Happy.

In my current line of vision I can see a framed picture of me and one of my oldest friends. The picture was taken last year at the the Kansas City International Airport and we both have the biggest, cheesiest smiles on our faces. Airports don't tend to illicit that response from me so I can only assume it was the company.

I'm sure some of you are just itching to argue that the infamous Haller smile only comes in one photographic variety - big and cheesy. While there may be a tiny speck of truth in that I'll assure you that time spent with this friend invites that smile, camera or no. You'll just have to believe me. Because I've decided this friend will be the topic of today's coffee-influenced blog.

We'll refer to her as Buggie. Not under any kind of dramatic delusion of protecting her identity. I mean, with my current readership of about 3 people I don't really think that's necessary. Do you Sarah, Ian, and Gigi? :) We'll call her Buggie because I do, actually, call her Buggie. And have since the fourth grade . . .

That's when our story begins. Mid-way through my fourth grade year we had a new student added to my class. She wasn't new to town, that would have been exciting enough (small town life!). She was skipping a grade! I can't begin to tell y'all how much this impressed and intimidated my little 10 year old self. It may actually be the last time I was intimidated by someone. This may actually be the turning point at which I would always subsequently be described on initial meetings as intimidating. An aside: I swear I'm not scary!

Back to Buggie. I had to make her my friend! But how would I set myself apart from all the other fourth graders vi-ing for her attention? I know! I would make myself equally as impressive. She was smart, right? Then I would showcase my own intelligence. How to accomplish this? I racked my preteen brain. And then an idea came to me through what I can only assume was Divine intervention. I went to my locker and got out the one thing that I could think of that would let this cool, cool girl know exactly who she was dealing with. I got out my Book-It pin.

Book-It. Do you know it? A Pizza Hut sponsored program to encourage young students to read by bribing them with a personal pan pizza. Wondering if it still exists? There I go, digressing again.

I can only conclude that the sight of me with my (completed) Book-It pin attached to my shirt had the desired effect of showing Buggie that she would be remiss in not making me her BFF straight away. You may be doubting the power and allure of said Book-It pin. But it's 19 years later and she's still my oldest and dearest friend. Conclusive, no? :)

Buggie? Almost 20 years? Can you believe that?

Our friendship has meant the world to me. It survived petty fifth grade squabbles. Remember trying to make up a dance routine to Faith in CB's basement? It persisted through the occasional hell of middle school. The best day of eight grade for me was the day you moved back to WMS and into my locker:) It survived high school and vastly different interests. And when most childhood friendships tend to falter, ours only became stronger when we both left the relative safety of the 'Burg for our chosen colleges. We've travelled together. We've emailed advice over miles of country, even miles of ocean. We've shared our lives with each other.

Ok. This is a little freaky. Listening to the Killers while blogging . . . Believe Me Natalie just came on. You see? Our friendship? Divinely influenced:)

Buggie, you're still the first person I want to share any boy story with. My current boy has "some brown hair and some brown eyes" and it makes me smile to think of all the boys we've described that way. I love you sweetie. And I'm so looking forward to the next 20 years of friendship with you . . .

"What happened to us?"

I just got a call from a guy I dated earlier this year - let's call him Mr Carwash. Hadn't talked to him in a while. We just kinda fizzled out, know what I mean? Well, ok. It was a deliberate fizzle on my part. Anyway. So, he calls out of the blue and says "Hey, what happened to us?" I don't even remember exactly how I responded to this. I really had no desire to talk to him - only answered the phone because he called THREE TIMES IN A ROW. What happened to us? Where should I begin? Better yet, I won't even get started. Because I've moved on and I just don't care anymore. But, the question got me to thinking in more global terms . . .

Why do people have such a hard time talking to each other? Why are we so afraid to say what we are thinking? Are we afraid of confrontation? Afraid of the truth? Afraid of hurting someone? Or just afraid of opening ourselves up to venerability? To putting ourselves out there. Why do we let the fear of what others might think dictate what we do? What we say.

I hope everyone has a least one person in their lives that they feel they can say anything to. I have my sisters. And I have a lot of really great friends. But even with them I choose certain people with whom to discuss certain things. "Knowing my audience," as one particular friend might say. Or, at least I think he might say. Don't really know for sure because I've never talked to him about these thoughts. About these questions. Why?

No answers here tonight, readers. As has been my recent M.O., just a lot of questions . . .

May be time for a nap . . .

So. My IM certification boards are coming up in a frighteningly short amount of time. Seems like the perfect opportunity to further procrastinate the intense studying I should be engaged in and update my little blog . . .

It amazes me how people can completely ruin my day with a careless comment or insensitive remark. How they can make me feel like I've completely wasted my time in my efforts to comfort or reassure them. Maybe more amazing is that I am still so affected by these people. Where is that thickened skin I was supposed to acquire? Where is the disillusionment I'm supposed to now be plagued with? Why, despite the seeming never ending beat down, am I still attached to my idealism? Why the almost desperate need for job satisfaction and the continued striving towards beneficence?

After a 12-plus hour day (not yet ended), following a near sleepless 24 hour call, I'm not sure I know the answer. Think I'll just have to get back to you on that.

They used to call me "Sunshine"

There are some things in life that when experienced or remembered make you smile in a really peaceful and satisfied way.

Surely the list differs for each individual. Here's a sample of mine.

1. Phone calls from friends who no longer live 15 minutes away.
2. A casual and relaxing dinner with great company.
3. First kisses.

There are too many wonderful moments in life for me to spend so much time concentrating on the crap that makes me frown. Here's to keeping things in perspective!

All in the Family

Day 7 and the last day of our vacation has arrived. The morning has been filled with packing, cleaning, and saying our goodbyes. You may have noticed that no actual descriptions or real photographic evidence of our beach time have been made available via this blog. So, it turns out that a nice secluded beach vacation is often accompanied by inconsistent Internet availability. The end result? I'm a little behind. Let me make it up to you . . .

Once landed in Tallahassee, Sarah and I settled in for the aforementioned 5 hour wait for the family. My multi-talented little sister spent a significant amount of this time attempting to fix my suitcase that the airline had thoughtlessly broken on our trip. Sarah was unsuccessful despite a valiant effort. We decided to spent the rest of our time more efficiently - we headed to the bar!

We were eventually rescued from boredom (or in SJ's case, an "open-mouth" nap) by the arrival of our Missouri family. And then we were on the road!

We joined up with the rest of the gang . . . vacation already in progress.

We rapidly joined in the fun. Commencing with eating, drinking, and beaching. For any that may be reading this blog that have known me for 10 plus years you may recall that the sun and I usually don't get along. No matter how hard I try to limit my exposure, no matter how hard I work to apply my SPF 50 evenly. No matter. All my hard work down the drain - I still ended up with the craziest sunburn since Florida '97! Sorry, didn't photograph this one for posterity:)

So, we left the beach for a day. Ate a little seafood at the Marina. Did a little shopping in a neighboring town. And of course, lathered on the aloe vera!

We eventually went back to the sun and continued to eat like kings and drink like fishes. One memorable and highly entertaining evening we decided to play a classic Haller family game we call spoons. Do you know it? Here's a little taste . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blcBBX7HnWk

After we got a couple games under our belts things got a little on the competitive side. It must be said: I rock spoons. Normally. I blame my fall from the top and the oh-so-excellent margaritas my cousin Julie kept-a-coming. So what do a couple of girls used to winning do? (Julie also ingesting large quantities of assorted beverages and also early out of the game. Connection?) Loser shots! The whole family got in on it . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gmtfFI9_tg

Twin sister Carrie ended up the undisputed champion of game night. As a kindergarten teacher you can tell how much she values good sportsmanship . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJjjHRYjd4s

Seemed to be quite a bit of lounging around the next day . . . :)

The rest of our days were spent much as the previous: sun and sand, food and drink, family and fun. We played guitar hero. We read Harry Potter. We had a ball!

So,family. How about it? Same time, same place next year? Meet ya there:)

the great Haller mind meld . . .

It is now day number 5 of The Vacation and things are progressing nicely. Our days have been filled with sun and sand, with food and laughter. It has occurred to me that perhaps you'd all like to know the players?

Coming in as the matriarch of the family we have Grandma Marge. Then we have Marge's two daughters - my Aunt Dee and my mother Debbie. Uncle Ed (married to Aunt Dee) with daughter Julie and son Jason. Julie's family is present as well - husband Steve with children Max and Samantha. Jason's wife Gerri. Uncle Ed's brother Wayne and his family joined the party too! And then, of course, we have the rest of my immediate family.

Along with my mother, my twin sister Carrie and my younger (aforementioned) sister Sarah are also here and accounted for. Which next brings us to our little lives of the party: my nieces Jacelynn and Myla.

Only my dad (Mike), my Uncle Dave, and my brother-in-law Casey were unable to make it. They're back home keeping the world in order why we play around down here!

So the cast has been made known. And the details of our fun? Coming soon . . .