and maybe a cocktail or two;)

big girls don't cry?

Uh, yeah.

I just completely broke down this morning in my kitchen. I mean, com-plete-ly lost it. Tears. The shoulder shaking kind. The followed by a killer headache kind. The surely-someone-must-have-died kind. And all because of this wedding insanity I've got going on around here.

I do realize that a good portion of it is self imposed stressing. I get that I don't have to make homemade whole-grain honey mustard as thank you gifts for the dinner party the boy's parents' friends are throwing in our honor this Saturday night. And I'm sure my bridesmaids wouldn't be mad if I didn't make their herbal tea hostess presents from scratch for my upcoming bachelorette party weekend. Just like I know my family will appreciate whatever token I give them in April come wedding time, hand crafted or not. But those are the things I'm actually enjoying!! And that's what is so hard to explain to people as they see me edging up to that line just south of crazy. The stuff that could be cut out is the stuff that's most important to me.

It made me so freakin' happy to track down yellow and brown mustard seeds in bulk the other day. I had a ball reading about the potential effects of lemon balm and rose hip for use in a calming/sleepy time tea. And I want to spend the time required to make something for my family that might have some small chance of telling them just how much I love and value each of one them. It's all the other stuff that I want to be able to just snap my fingers and have them magically crossed off my to do list!

No one stepped up last post to help me figure out the whole cloning thing. How about magic? The Harry Potter variety. Anybody? No?

*big sigh*

No worries. I'll just add it to that infamous list of mine;)

driving the 105

I know it's been a ridiculously long time since I last put a little piece of myself on the blogosphere. Many reasons. A little chaotic around here! My days are filled with work and family. Friends and day to day life. The boy. Lots of time attributed to the boy:) A while back he let me in on a little secret. He actually kind of hates it when I inform the world of his sweetness. So while his blog worthy sweetness has marched tirelessly on, I've been mums the word! And have thus lost a lot of biscuit head fodder.

But the absolute biggest time suck in my life lately? Planning our I'm-sure-it's-going-to be-amazingly-beautiful-but-I-actually-kind-of-hate-it-right-now wedding.

Seriously. I'm so over this wedding.

Not over the occasion of our marriage. Not over becoming Mrs Boy. Not over the promise of our future family and dreams of our life together. I'm extremely excited about all of those things and can't wait for it to be official!

I'm just WAY past being over the planning of this mother f*#king wedding.

See? That's how done with this process I am! Now I sound like a bad Samuel L impersonator.

Ok. To be fair - why do I feel compelled to be fair? - I've enjoyed a lot of the getting married process. The daydreaming up of ideas. Choosing my wedding dress with my sisters. Coming up with thoughtful, often homemade, gifts for our family and members of our wedding party. Searching through antique stores for the vintage treasures that I want to incorporate in our reception decor. My engagement ring. I'm really, really enjoying my engagement ring:)

But I hate the hounding I have to do. Hounding Missouri vendors long distance about a wedding that they see as way in the future but I see as just around the corner. Hounding family about little details or bits of information I need from them. Hounding the boy. About anything. About everything.

You know what I wish? I wish I had a wedding planner/personal assistant. But not just any wedding planner/personal assistant. I wish I could clone myself. Then I would hire my cloned self to be my ultimate personal wedding planning assistant.

Yes.

because it's friday

15 wonderful, beautiful things I did this week:

1. multiple uninterrupted hours scavenging for vintage finds
2. dreaming about said vintage finds
3. a very girly lunch with T
4. a solo dinner at home -goat cheese and marcona almonds!
5. marathon cooking session for a week full of food
6. PUMPKIN PATCH!
7. lunch at In&Out with the soon to be in laws
8. painting project
9. quality front porch time
10. home cooked dinner with friends
11. swanky Dallas happy hour with excellent people watching
12. a book or two
13. a full eight hours of sleep every night!
14. wedding details (the fun kind)
15. dedicated, leisurely coffee time

wednesday

today's loves (because the hates are out there and bringing me down):

1. driving myself (!) to work in my brand spankin' new car
2. a perfectly crafted latte, already waiting for me at the register
3. super nice Etsy artists who send fabric swatches
4. a much needed 30 minute reprieve from call craziness
5. sexy stalkers with oh so evil plans

tuesday

2 things I LOVE today about being a grown up:
1: Yesterday I spent 75 bucks on a milk frother and rationalized it as a money saving purchase - home lattes here I come!
2: This morning I slept until 930 and patted myself on the back for being wise enough to catch up on some much needed sleep.

2 things I HATE today about being a grown up:
1: Making big money decisions.
2: MAKING BIG MONEY DECISIONS!

I think I'll go call my mommy.

patio,2

And, although I may be slightly biased, it's my own personal opinion that everyone could use a little Amy as well;)